im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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