I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize