Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
