Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize