I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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