He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My cat gives me a boner
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
