Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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