im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
