and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
