but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
