Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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