hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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