I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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