It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
