I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
being pregnant is like rehab
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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