i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
