you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Houston, we have a blender
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
