I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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