So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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