Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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