Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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