i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
