oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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