Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
