bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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