I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
