that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
