Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My ass is underappreciated
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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