I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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