I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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