Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
