i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
