I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
