I'm going to jail i love you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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