Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.

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(+33): View more from France

Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee

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(770): View more from Georgia

I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress

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(727): View more from Florida

How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?

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