I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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