He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize