its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
