I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't turn off my feet"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
