I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
