you have to choose: penises or morals?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
