I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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