i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
