The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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