dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize