This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I could make wine with my vomit
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
