Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
