i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
