I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
