I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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