OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
