I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
