I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
