Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
