Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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