i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
