I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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