She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
