Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
