Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
