Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
