I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
