Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
