and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
