i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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