Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she peed on how many people?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
