They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
