If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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