i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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