party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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