Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize