I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
