Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
