did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
