alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
