I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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