Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
