im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
